


Breathe

by lizzycm



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Book 1: Six of Crows, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29650719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lizzycm/pseuds/lizzycm
Summary: When a job goes wrong, Inej finds herself having to make a difficult decision.Pre-SOC.
Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 76
Collections: Week #5: Starlight Starbright





	Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the [fifth prompt](https://no-mourners-at-my-funeral.tumblr.com/post/643760734122147840/prompt-5) in the weekly Grishaverse prompt challenge.
> 
> Because apparently I am only capable of writing for the odd-numbered prompts. I imagine this takes places a week or so after Kaz got Inej out of the Menagerie. Think of this as one of Inej's first jobs with the Dregs.
> 
> (Also, I totally didn't intend for this to end up being as long as it is.)

The only sound was the slapping of water against the edge of the canal, against their small rowboat as Specht steadily rowed them through the dark streets.

“When we get to the exchange point,” Kaz whispered, “I want you both to keep your faces in shadow. As far as the boatmen know, this is a routine shipment exchange. We get the package, we get out.” Inej and Specht both made a small sound of acknowledgement. “Good,” Kaz said. “I trust I don’t need to go over the plan again?” Inej couldn’t see him very well, but she could feel the weight of his eyes on her.

“I’ll be fine,” Inej replied, as loudly as she dared. Her hand strayed to the blade at her side, the one Kaz had given her yesterday. _Sankt Petyr_ , after the patron saint of archers. Violent, but strong. Hopefully she’d only have to be one of those things tonight.

“I can see them now,” Specht informed them. “We should be within range in a minute or so.”

Sure enough, if Inej glanced ahead, she could see that they were approaching a medium-sized boat, a hulking shadow of blackness looming towards them. She could see small bursts of movement from aboard the vessel, as the small crew checked over shipments and addresses.

“Inej.” Kaz’s voice was barely audible, but Inej turned towards him. There was no moon that night, but the stars provided enough light for her to just barely make out his features.

She nodded, before remembering that he probably couldn’t see it. “I’m ready.”

“Good.” That was all the confirmation Inej needed as she slowly, carefully, moved from her seat, climbing over the edge of the rowboat and pressing herself against the side, gripping the edge with an iron grip. Cold water lapped at her side, sending chills down her spine, but she didn’t dare move, in case she drew the attention of the fast-approaching ship.

As she clung to the side, she felt the boat rock as Kaz shifted his own position in the rowboat, laying down and adjusting his cane so it wasn’t so obviously visible, but still easy for him to grab. If Inej peered over the side of the boat, she could catch the barest glimpse of their setup, Specht rowing the boat while Kaz laid down and had one hand on his side, occasionally letting out a moan in supposed pain. Even though Inej knew it was just an act, it was still disconcerting to see Kaz, normally so well-presented and invincible, appear weak like that.

“Ho!” Specht called out to the ship growing nearer and nearer. “We need a medik!” The boat slowed, before sidling up beside them, and Inej had the sudden, uncomfortable realization of how small their rowboat was in comparison. The ship was by no means a large vessel, but it felt bigger than the saints themselves when they were this close. Certainly much bigger than Inej, who was now in the awkward space between the two boats.

“No medik here!” one of the workers from aboard the ship called, and Inej didn’t miss the smack of _jurda_. “This is a transport boat. There’s a hospital a little ways away, though.”

Inej imagined Specht shaking his head. “No,” he said. “It’s too far. This young man won’t make it.”

“I wish I could help you I truly do -” the same worker started, but it was then that Kaz let out a pained cry, and Inej nearly flinched before she managed to get her bearings. Wasting no time, Inej reached for the edge of the other boat, grabbing on and pulling herself across the small space between the two vessels. By the time Kaz had finished with his act, Inej was on the other boat.

“It hurts!” Kaz shouted as Inej pulled herself along the front of the boat, relatively empty of workers. “Oh, Ghezen!” If Inej hadn’t been in on the scheme, she would have been incredibly disturbed at what she was hearing. And even then, Kaz’s cries still made her shiver.

“What’s wrong with him?” a different worker shouted, voice rougher than the first. Inej slowly crept along the boat, careful not to make even the slightest of sounds as she ran her fingers along the labels on the various packages, the cargo.

“Injured,” Specht said simply. “Please, he won’t last much longer.”

Inej’s fingers stopped at a lumpy package. In the light from the stars, she could see the words printed on the side - Hoede Estate. Inej allowed herself a small grin as she grabbed the package, clutching it tightly to herself as she made her back to the front of the boat, still thankfully empty of any of the workers.

“I’m sorry,” the first worker called out. “We don’t have a medik onboard?”

“Medical supplies, then?” Specht responded. “You said you were a transport ship!” Inej slowly maneuvered herself so that she was back to clutching the edge of the boat, stiffening when the water made a small splash when she misplaced her foot. Thankfully, Kaz let out another groan at that moment, hiding her little mistake.

“Do we have any medical supplies onboard?” the worker called to the rest of the ship, and Inej used the loudness to make her way back along the edge of the ship, until she was back in between the two boats, clutching on tight to the edge with one hand and the package with another.

There was some scurrying from the boat, but Inej didn’t dare try to move from her position. There was a scratching sound, and a moment later, dim golden light flickered out over the canal, giving Inej a better view of the two men in the smaller boat. Kaz made brief eye contact with her before squeezing his eyes shut with a small gasp.

“Here!” one of the other workers shouted, and there was the sound of rustling, and then the boat rocked as someone made their way to the other end. Kaz chose this moment to let out a particularly loud groan, and Inej couldn’t help but imagine the worry that must have been on the workers’ faces.

Inej used the distraction to get over to the rowboat, once again gripping the side of the smaller boat. Relief surged through her. She did it. The hard part was over. It was just up to Kaz and Specht to get them out of this now.

“We have some bandages!” the same worker shouted. “And some _jurda_ , for the pain. Can you catch them?”

“Yes!” Specht shouted back, and the boat rocked as something was thrown into it, momentarily dunking both Inej and the package underwater. It took all her effort to gasp for air when she came back up.

“Will those work?” the worker asked. Inej noticed the way the man’s voice trembled. There was genuine concern there. A surge of guilt shot through her when she realized this man would likely face repercussions what they - what _she_ had just done.

There was some rustling from above. “Yes, thank you!” Specht shouted, before felt the boat move as he shifted his position, facing towards Kaz. “These should work nicely!” There was some rustling as Specht presumably pretended to bandage Kaz’s wound, with Kaz moaning and grunted and Inej presumed were the right places.

“Will he be okay?” the worker questioned.

“Yes!” Specht replied. “Thank you, again! These should be enough to get him to the hospital.” Inej felt her body relax, despite still holding the side of the rowboat in a death grip. They were going to get out of this. They were going to go back to the Slat and unpack the package and Inej would get just a little closer to paying off her debt.

There was a rocking from above, and then Inej felt a wave of water hit her in the back as Specht began rowing away from the boat. She imagined getting back to the Slat, the warmth of her bed and her small little room and a change into dry clothes.

“Wait a minute!” one of the other workers called out. Inej tensed as Specht stopped rowing. “I know you from somewhere, don’t I?”

Craning her neck, she could just see Specht turning around slowly to face the larger boat. “I guess I have one of those faces,” he said with a surprising calm. “Someone else thought they knew me from Belendt just yesterday.”

Inej couldn’t see the worker on the boat, but she pictured him shaking his head. “No, not you,” the worker stated. “The boy. I know him from somewhere. Don’t I?”

There was the sound of running feet from the larger boat as someone ran up to where the workers likely were standing. “There’s a missing package!” another one of the workers panted, though Inej didn’t imagine he would have had to run very far. The boat wasn’t _that_ large. “For the Hoede Estate.”

“Go,” Kaz ordered simply. Specht didn’t need any further instruction. Water splashed against Inej’s back as Specht powered away from the ship. Inej sent a silent prayer up to her Saints. _Protect us, please. Let us get back safe._

And then a gunshot rang out.

Inej let out a small gasp, moving so that she could see who in the boat it had hit. Kaz was still laying down, but he was no longer pretending to be in pain, and Specht was still sitting upright, no sign of a bullet wound anywhere.

And then she moved her head further, and realized that there was a hole in the back of their rowboat. Not a particularly large hole, but large enough to allow water to be steadily flowing in.

Kaz and Specht glanced towards where she was looking, and swore. Water was already filling the bottom of the boat, leaving Kaz’s bottom half soaked through with water where he was still laying down.

“We have to get out of the boat.” Inej found herself speaking up, though it really should have been Kaz giving the order. Specht shot Kaz a nervous glance. “If we don’t, they could very well hit one of us next.”

Kaz gave Specht a small nod, and the older man gave a small salute in return, before diving off the boat and into the water. Another gunshot rang out, but the splash from Specht’s dive seemed to have thrown off their aim.

“Kaz?” Inej pressed. “We need to get out of here. Now.”

Kaz seemed to snap out of whatever trance he was in. He shot Inej a venomous look. “So why are you still here?”

Inej couldn’t help herself from rolling her eyes. With a sigh, she let go of the boat, falling into the water as more gunshots rang out. A moment later, she heard a slash from behind her as Kaz jumped into the canal.

The waters of the canal were murky, and the darkness of the night wasn’t helping the visibility. For a long minute, all Inej could focus on was swimming hard and fast away from the rowboat, and the larger boat still firing hopeful shots into the water. Her arms ached with the strain of pulling herself through the water, and Inej was keenly aware of the fact that she had never been properly taught how to swim, only the meek paddling she had done in small lakes with her cousins. Nothing that could let her move very quickly.

When the shots seemed to have stopped, Inej dared to stop swimming and lift her head from the water. The boat was far enough away to be out of firing range now, and they seemed to have stopped trying to shoot at her. Gasping for air, Inej paddled over to the edge of the canal, where there was a small ledge about a foot beneath the water. She sat down on this ledge. She had held onto the package during her swim, and after debating for a moment, she shoved the package under her shirt before tying her belt tight so she hopefully wouldn’t lose it.

Specht was nowhere in sight, but then, he had had a head start, so he was probably already circling back to the Slat. She glanced behind her, looking for Kaz. She hadn’t heard him passing her, and she imagined that swimming was probably difficult for him, too, what with his leg.

Still, though. She should have been able to see him. “Kaz?” she whispered, afraid to be too loud in case she drew the attention of the ship. “Kaz, are you there?”

And then she heard it, a sort of shrill ringing echoing through the night. A _stadwatch_ boat, with the ringing bells signaling its arrival. Inej couldn’t see it yet, but it had to be close. Inej felt her heart rate increasing, and she suddenly became aware of how cold she was as she frantically scanned the waters. “Kaz!” she tried again, daring to be a little louder. “Kaz!”

Kaz would have told her to leave. He was probably right behind her, or could have even passed her without her realizing. She knew he wouldn’t have stayed for her. The only thing she was accomplishing from this was making herself more likely to be arrested by the _stadwatch_. But if she left him behind, who was to say that Per Haskell wouldn’t decide to just send her back to the Menagerie?

She was about to dive in and continue onwards and hope Kaz would be waiting at the Slat, when she heard a splash from the other direction. Kaz. In an instant, she was diving into the frigid water, swimming towards where she could now see someone moving, or at least trying to move, through the water.

“Kaz!” She had to be a bit louder than she would have liked, and she shot a nervous glance towards the ship.

Kaz seemed not to hear her. _Was he… drowning?_ Kaz Brekker, unable to swim. It might have been a little funny, if Inej couldn’t still hear the ringing of _stadwatch_ bells. If she herself wasn’t in this situation.

She didn’t even think about it. She just grabbed him and towed him through the water. Her legs were screaming at her - she wasn’t a strong swimmer to begin with, and it was even harder when she was dragging Kaz along with her. She managed to get them to a small bridge, where the ledge protruded out a couple feet, and was higher above the water than the rest of the ledge. Hopefully, they could wait out the _stadwatch_ boat there.

She lifted Kaz onto the ledge first, before pushing herself up. She was afraid she might have to do mouth-to-mouth (the last thing she wanted to do to anyone at the moment, especially not her sort-of boss), but Kaz already seemed to be lucid, taking in shallow breaths.

“Are you okay?” Inej asked quietly, all-too-aware of the fast approaching _stadwatch_ boat.

Kaz shot her a look that was sure was meant to be venomous, but it seemed to lack his usual bite. “You should have gone ahead to the Slat,” he growled.

Inej shook her head. “And leave you to drown?”

“I wasn’t drowning,” Kaz bit back, but Inej noticed how he was trembling. She noticed the quaver in her voice.

“Then what was that?” she pressed.

Kaz opened his mouth, probably to say something vile, when the ringing of the _stadwatch_ boat bells suddenly reached both of their ears, louder than ever. Inej grabbed one of the beams of the bridge, pulling herself up so that she was wedged in between said beam and the stone of the bridge above. Kaz, meanwhile, pressed himself against the wall of the canal behind him, gripping his cane tightly. Prepared to lash out and fight if need be.

Luckily, it didn’t seem like that would be necessary. As the _stadwatch_ boat passed them by, bells still ringing, Inej didn’t dare to even so much as let out a breath. She could see the tops of their heads, looking out of the side of the boat, but no one looked up, where she would have been easy to spot. And no one seemed to see Kaz, either.

As the boat was directly underneath Inej’s line of sight, she saw the light from the lantern up ahead glinting off something on the boat. _Guns_. They were all armed. Of course they were.

When the boat was out of firing range, Inej finally allowed herself to relax. She chanced a glance at Kaz, and was surprised to see that he was watching her intently, though he quickly looked away when he saw her looking.

“We’ll wait until the two boats meet up,” Kaz instructed her. “They’ll be distracted then, and we can get out of the canal and run back to the Slat.”

“Alright,” Inej whispered back. She shot another glance at the two boats, which were now nearing each other, the bells _still_ ringing. Carefully, she dropped down from her hiding space, pressing herself up against the wall next to Kaz.

“You don’t have to tell me what happened back there,” Inej said quietly. For a moment, she thought Kaz was going to answer her, maybe, possibly. Instead, he stayed quiet, and when she turned her head to look at him, his eyes were fixed on the two boats. Inej sighed and faced forward again. What had she been expecting? That this would be a bonding moment? That they would walk out of this with some sort of deeper understanding of the other?

“Now,” Kaz said suddenly, when the two boats sidled alongside each other. Inej wasted no time in pulling herself up the side of the bridge, relying on the relative darkness to hope that no one from either boat would spot her. She was up on the bridge in a manner of seconds, instively ducking down below the railing and out of sight.

Kaz was struggling a bit more than she had, though she could tell he was trying to hide it. As he finally pulled himself over the bridge, Inej heard shouts from the boats. They’d been spotted.

“Let’s go,” Kaz told her. The two took off running, though Inej soon found herself pulling ahead. She debated slowing down, but Kaz was still moving steadily.

Her lungs ached. After a year of not being permitted to leave the Menagerie or even her rooms there, she had lost the stamina she once had, and she practically gasped for air as she moved as quietly as she could. They turned into an alleyway, and then into another one, Kaz giving her directions.

And then a voice called out to her, “Freeze!” And Inej instinctively did just that, her feet skidding against the pavement. “Turn around!” the same voice ordered. Inej obeyed, slowly turning around. One of the _stadwatch_ officers held a struggling Kaz in a chokehold, with a gun pressed to his head.

“That’s it,” the officer said. “Now, step towards me.”

Slowly, Inej made her way towards him. Her eyes flickered to Kaz, only for a moment, but enough for her to realize that he was in serious pain. Her heart pounded against her chest. They were going to be arrested. Or worse, the _stadwatch_ officer might shoot them both on the spot. Or maybe he’d just shoot Kaz, before taking one look at her poorly-erased Menagerie tattoo and dumping her right back on Tante Heleen’s doorstep.

Inej couldn’t allow any of those outcomes to happen.

As she made her way towards the officer, and Kaz, she quietly moved her hand to her side. The _stadwatch_ officer didn’t seem to notice. “Imagine,” he was saying. “Me, being the one to catch the infamous Kaz Brekker. And his little friend, too.” He scrutinized Inej. “I haven’t you on any of the wanted posters. Are you a new recruit?”

_Stay calm, Inej_. “I’m not on the posters,” she said, before adding, “yet.”

The officer’s brow furrowed. “What does that -”

Inej lashed out with her knife, and a spurt of blood shot out from the man’s throat. He moved his free hand to the gaping wound with a small gasp. Kaz slipped out of his grip, stepping out of the way as the man fell to the ground, his gun tumbling from his hand with a clatter.

Inej felt her knees give out from under her. There was blood on her shirt. _There was blood on her shirt_ , because she had just killed somebody. _Oh, Saints. They’ll never forgive me._ Her knife fell from her hand as she stared at the officer, covered in his own blood and staring blankly up at the stars. _What would Mama and Papa think of me now?_

“Inej,” Kaz said, and she heard him moving up beside her. Her gaze stayed on the man she had just killed. _Just killed._ He probably had friends out there, who he went out drinking with on weekends and laughed and smiled with. Maybe a family. Maybe children who would wonder why their father wasn’t home.

“Inej,” Kaz pressed. “If we stay here, we’ll be captured.” She didn’t respond. Kaz sighed. “He wanted to kill us both, or throw us into Hellgate. You can panic about it later. But right now, we need to move.”

Inej nodded. She mouthed a silent prayer for his soul before standing up, turning to face Kaz. There was blood on his shirt, too, she noticed. For some reason, it made her feel better about the stains she would have to get out of her own clothes. And then they were running, running as the sound of ringing _stadwatch_ bells faded into the night.

* * *

They were standing outside the Slat, when Inej cleared her throat. Kaz turned around. “What?” **  
**

Inej looked uncomfortable for a moment, before undoing the belt on her tunic and pulling out the package, damp but still in one piece. For a moment, Kaz only stared at the package, and then he chuckled. “A good investment after all,” he muttered.

Inej’s lips pursed. “I guess so.”

Kaz glanced at her, then at the package. Slowly, he grabbed the package from her hand, which she relinquished without much fuss. Kaz pulled Inej’s knife, which he had picked up after she had dropped it, from his pocket. He wiped the blood off on a small handkerchief in his pocket which he kept around for just these circumstances. Inej watched as he cut open the package.

He pulled out the contents, a shimmering necklace with a purple gemstone. “Our buyer promised us a couple thousand kruge for it,” he told her. “You’ll get a cut of it, of course.” He shoved the necklace into his pocket, before shooting Inej a glance. He offered her knife back to her, handle-first.

Inej shook her head. “I don’t want it.”

Kaz took a step closer to her, despite himself. “It gets easier,” he found himself saying. And then, “Why did you wait for me?”

Inej bit her lip. “I guess… I guess because I was nervous. I thought Per Haskell might…”

“Send you back to the Menagerie,” Kaz finished. He shook his head, before holding the knife out again. “Take it,” he instructed her. “You saved my life with that.”

Inej nodded, grabbing the knife and sliding it into the holster at her side. “Thank you.”

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “For what?”

Inej smiled. Instead of answering, she turned around and grabbed onto a ledge, crawling up the side of a building. Within moments, she had vanished into the shadows. Kaz watched the spot she had a moment ago, before turning away. His eyes drifted upwards, to the stars shining down on the city. They seemed to stare down at him, judgmental.

He scoffed, turning and heading back to the Slat.

**Author's Note:**

> [Come and chat with me on Tumblr (I promise I don't bite)](https://no-mourners-at-my-funeral.tumblr.com/)


End file.
